Birthday Babblings

"My mind is literally about to blow up!!! Why won't my kids just go to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

This was my Facebook update around 8:30 pm on the 29th of August. I had spent thirty minutes putting out fires, tending to multiple and various needs and simply seething inside over the endless excuses and whiny calls coming from down the hall. I put on a movie and tried to ignore my irritation and the mom guilt that began to creep into my heart. Thirty minutes into Act of Valor (which I was very much into) I fell asleep.

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night and thought, "I should go lay down on my bed so my back won't be sore in the morning." Then I fell asleep, still on the couch.

When I woke to the sun filling the room, I got up and into the shower. Nobody else was awake, but I would have to get them up soon so we could pick up my grandmother and make it to our chiropractor appointments. As I was getting dressed in the bathroom I could hear slight whispering outside the door. It is not unusual that someone NEEDS me every time I am in the bathroom, but this was different. The whispering was very quiet and the only thing I could make out was "Shhhhhhh!" I finished dressing and opened the door.

The fabulous five were lined up in a straight row from oldest to youngest and began on cue to sing me "Happy Birthday". They each held a card that they had made for me, and rushed to hug me as the song ended. Tears literally filled my eyes. Were these the same kids I tried mercilessly to get to sleep last night?

With energetic excitement, they all led me to the kitchen where I found this along with my favorite coffee cup:

How observant they are! Everything I needed for my morning coffee ready and waiting complete with a princess crown on the lid of my instant coffee. What a great way to start my 35th year! The bad feelings we went to bed with were long gone. How forgiving they are, how accepting.

The fun continued when I arrived at my parents to drop the kids off before my appointment with the chiropractor and masseuse. My mom had made a batch of delicious banana cupcakes (my favorite). I took them with me to eat later. At 11:30 my children and I went to Mass to offer thanks for this new year of life. We were taken out to lunch afterwards by friends at the church with whom we shared the cupcakes. Good company is the greatest gift of all.

Later that day I got to spend time alone with Benjamin as we got ice cream at Menchie's. Ben won a gift certificate there back in May and I've wanted to take him on a one-on-one outing for quite awhile. Now was our chance. I enjoyed visiting with him and was grossly interested in his choice for toppings on his cake batter/peanut butter flavored ice cream: sour gummy snakes, gummy bears, Reese's Peanut Butter cups, yellow Boba balls (ew!!),Reese's pieces, and something that was in between a marshmallow and a gummy candy (double ew!!). Honestly, I felt like gagging as I watched him eat....but I think he found what he did and more importantly what he DID NOT like.  He too, was good company.

We rushed home to get ready for our friends to arrive. It was Seahawk time!! The kids were happy to have babysitters that are much more like friends, and I was happy to get away with friends of my own. Long story short...we won. The Hawks and myself.  My birthday was more than I could have asked for. I realized this as I stood on the top of a building near where we parked for the game. The sky was dark, the blue moon was out and the Seattle sky line sparkled before us.

The best advice I ever got came from my mother. When we were teenagers she told us to make sure we always treat ourselves special for our birthdays because, in life, we can't always expect someone else to do that. She taught us to take ourselves on dates; to the movies, out to lunch, to get a pedicure or go to the bookstore....whatever made us happy. Enjoy the day to the fullest and treat yourself like a queen or king.

I looked forward to doing this for myself this year as I have before, but my friends and family beat me to it. I felt surrounded by love and I wish this upon every human being on earth. Thanks to all for the Birthday wishes.

Love,

Gina.

Life Began Anew

Where was I four years ago today? I had a month under my belt of being a single mother of four children. I was still reeling from the blow of betrayal by the person I promised my life to. It was hot, humid...uncomfortable, and I was in labor. I'm not going to give the gory details of birth that women love and men hate, but I will give details of a birth.

Four years ago was the birth of new life. Yes, my baby, Cecelia was born on this day and has since filled my life with constant joy. But I am also talking about the birth of a new life for our family.

The days leading up to Cecelia's birth I was busy with the daily activity of raising four very young children (Samuel had just turned 6 when Cecelia was born) and, while excited for her to come, I wasn't exactly counting down the days because I was still getting our house settled from our move from Reno. All of this was good because it kept me from dwelling on emotions that had the ability to destroy me.

Outwardly, I had it under control...at least I thought I did. Inwardly, I was hurting beyond what I thought was humanly possible. Along with the hurt were feelings of anger, resentment, fear and shame. I was ashamed of what people might think when they'd see a woman with four young kids and a very pregnant belly, but no husband. I was ashamed that I couldn't do more to save my marriage. I was ashamed that my daughter would be born into a household with only one parent.

Those feelings, like the icy Arctic snow, began the slow melting process with Cecelia's summer arrival.

My mother and sisters were my support system. Emily was there with me everyday, to help with the kids, the house, the bills. Tina was there for loving advice and absolutely everything else, and my mom was there to encourage me and help rebuild confidence in myself. It was them that surrounded me at the hospital four years ago.

By the time I called Tina to come and take me to the hospital, she was already on her way. Shortly after us came Emily and my mother. They accompanied me to my room and they welcomed Cecelia into this world. The moment I saw her nothing else mattered. It was her that got me through the next day, the next week, and the next year...until my confidence and self-worth began to come from within once more. God knew I needed her and he gave her the most loving disposition.

By the time my other kids were four, I considered them 'big kids' because there was always at least one that was younger...more needy, but tonight I told Cecelia before she went to sleep, "No matter how old you get, you will always be my baby".  She likes it that way. Of course, I say that to all my kids, but it is especially true with her.

It's hard not to have confidence when you have someone telling you a dozen times a day, "You're so pretty, mom, I love you," even when the bags under my eyes could carry my groceries and my two-days-past-it's-prime hair is out of control. You're so pretty too, baby girl, I love you!

Happy 4th Birthday, Cecelia.

love, mom.