Six Confessions of a Single Mother

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I must confess, that since having started this blog, I have become frightened up there...high on the pedestal where people have put me. I have had comments that I am the "best mother", "truly an inspiration," and, "amazing". While these comments flatter me to death, I feel the desire to give a broader picture of my life.

In looking at my pictures, one is bound to ascertain that my kids are always happy, I am always calm, and dinner is always homemade with fresh, organic, whole foods. Today I am moved to reveal the family 'secrets' so that everyone will know us for who we really are. After all, who has time to snap photographs when their voice is raised, dinner is burning, and five kids need you urgently all at once?

Here it goes:

1. Most mornings I press snooze on average of 4 times before I drag myself out of bed. I want so badly to be a morning person. To jump out of bed, workout, have my morning coffee, and shower all before I cheerfully go in to wake up the kids. But....usually I finally resolve to grumbling and telling the alarm on my phone that I hate it and I'm getting up so stop yelling at me.

2. Because I snoozed too many times, I am always running late, and I tend to bark orders at the kids because nobody moves in the mornings... unless I tell them to (with the exception of Samuel and Cecelia, our household's "morning people"). Also, because we are running late, the kids get cold cereal for breakfast almost every morning. Ironically, when I've run out of milk or cereal and have to make eggs with bacon and toast, or hot oatmeal, I get a round of whines because they want Honey Nut Cheerios!


3. Although, as others have pointed out, I am pretty patient with the kids, but every mother has a breaking point. My kids push me to that point at least every other day. The usual straw that breaks this mama's back is one of my kids tormenting another and the 'other' whining about being tortured. This usually has a domino effect on all members of the family. A wise counselor once told me, "You have a small house full of six unique individuals, each one dealing with his or her own positive or negative feelings, emotions, ills, ups and downs. Each has his/her own preference for food, music, entertainments, clothing, activities and needs for rest. If you think about it, in order for everyone to be in sync all at once, all these different aspects of each individual has to coincide with every other person all at once. That is harmony. Treasure those moments, they are nothing short of miraculous." It's true. When my kids are all getting along and I'm not stressing about anything in particular, I tend to step back, take it all in, and thank God for that one moment.  Heaven knows, they are few and fleeting.

4. I don't like to get down on the floor and play. Okay, I'll be honest, I don't like to play at all! Whew, that was a big one for me. By playing, I refer to the use of toys. Somewhere between childhood and motherhood, I lost the desire to play with dolls, stuffed animals, Legos and all the things that I now consider "just something else to pick up".  Now, I know, adults don't play with toys anyway so why should I be ashamed? Because I simply can't bring myself to play with my kids when they ask me to play with their toys. Now, I would play catch with a baseball, or take them hiking, or dance in the living room, or run through a sprinkler, but I cannot pretend the plastic doll with pen stains on her head is my baby and I don't want to try to build something with blocks that inevitably keep falling apart in the final stages of completion.

5. I hate bedtime. Shouldn't bedtime be that cozy time of the day where I spend quality bonding time with my children, reading stories and sharing laughs? These kind of bedtimes are rare around here. (Although, I have to admit I had one today!!!) Usually I am so beat from the events of the day that by the time I tuck them in, bless them, kiss and hug each one....I don't want to hear their voices again until morning! Instead, I am usually gritting my teeth for the next half hour as I have to answer the on-going chorus of  "Mom!"s.

• Mom! I'm thirstyyyyyyyyyy.
• Mom! Can I turn the light oooooooonnnnnnnnnn.?
• Mom! Isabelle won't stop singiiiiiiiiiing.
• Mom! When can Dominic stay the niiiiiiight?
• Mom! What if a fly married a spider and lived in our closet...and had spider babies that could fly and make webs?.... (huh?)
• Mom! Do we have Cub Scouts tomorrooooooow?
• Mom! Can you scratch my baaaaaaaaaack?
• Mom! What are you doiiiiiiiing?
• Mom! um.....um......um......I love you.
• "I love you, mom."
• "I love you, mom."
• "I love you, mom."
• "I love you, mom."

"I LOVE YOU TOO, NOW GO TO SLEEP!" These are usually my finally words of the day.

6. I stay up way too late.  Now that I have some peace and quiet, I don't want to give it up.... even for a good night's sleep! I usually edit my photographs, check in with Facebook friends, read, or watch The Biggest Loser.....yes, I'm a fan. It's not that I dread another day, because each day teaches me something new, each day allows me to experience my children in a slightly different way, each day is another opportunity to grow closer to God and closer to the kids, but what I do dread is the 6 o'clock alarm, screaming my name, bewailing me for staying up too late!!! Okay, I think...how many times can I afford to press snooze today? And WHY, for heaven's sake, do I have to get up before daylight?! That should be illegal.