A Little Love Goes a Long Way

 

If I didn't love my kids the way I do, I would surely be in an asylum right now, rocking back and forth, and humming mindless tunes with a blank stare on my face. There are times when I feel like surely I am on that path, but those moments pass and sanity returns. I am sure that I have the same affect on my children.

The month of March, my Happiness Project will focus on love, the love of my children. This will be a vital focus for me and I hope that by following closely the goals I set forth, the atmosphere in my home will morph from "getting through the day" to "thriving in the moment" for all of us.

I find that although my relationship with my kids is most important to me, I frequently treat them with less courtesy than others, even other children. I guess the reason is because I don't have the responsibility of forming others into well-rounded and respectable adults. That, coupled with the stress of essentially performing the duties of both mother and father, has led my behavior to be ashamedly, less than loving.

Lately, I am so busy performing the necessary tasks of daily single parent living, that I guess I'd have to say I am, sadly, slightly detached from my children's emotions. Not entirely, there are moments when their moods force me to have a heart-to-heart, and I am grateful for those times, but it usually takes an overload of stress for that to happen.

My goals for March are:

1. Give Proofs of Love.

• Initiate affection. It's not that this doesn't happen, I will grab one as they walk past and give him/her a hug and hug them in the morning and before bed, but I've realized that most of the time I am hugging back or returning kisses. I often feel like a tree in a jungle, and I am the favorite climbing tree for five monkeys. When they all want affection at once, I promptly claim my desire for space. I believe that if I initiate affection more frequently they won't all come clamoring at the same time and then those fleeting and precious moments will become more enjoyable for all.
• Spend time with each child and express how special they are to me. Even if it's just a few kind words in passing, I will focus on letting each one know how important they are to me as an individual.
• Do something for each of them "just because I love them". For Hunter, this will be setting up his own 'Snack Cupboard'. That boy is a snack-aholic and asks for a snack every time I turn around. This way he won't have to ask, and if he eats them all up, he'll know that he has to wait until I go shopping again to fill it up. (He could use a little meat on his bones, anyway). Each one, has their own needs and desires and I will do my homework to find out what would put a smile on each of their faces. I truly believe that in making others happy, you find happiness by the wayside.

2. Treat them with the same respect I'd give anyone else.

Isn't that how they learn respect for others? I believe that in any close relationship, spouse, parents, children, siblings, you can get so close that you allow your ugliest self (and I'm not talking me without makeup) to escape the cage of your persona more frequently than with other people. I will definitely be calling upon the Golden Rule and start treating them as I would want to be treated (without forgetting that it is my duty to reprimand and discipline).

3. No Dumping.

I think I have inherited a most unfortunate aspect of communication. When my children do something disagreeable (especially when I warned them beforehand) I retreat to an adult version of the childhood tactic of 'I told you so-isms'. I tend to go on and on repeating the same rant over and over. This has got to end. I've seen eyes roll and jaws tighten when I do this. From now on, I will say my peace and drop it letting the natural consequences of their actions do the talking.

4. I will see my children as God sees them.

Each one has something special they were created for. I will seek out their God-given talents and help them to expand upon them. They were fallen human beings from the time they were born, so why should I expect perfection? I will look past their faults and celebrate their personalities. God loves them how they are and so do I. God puts up with my tantrums and I will put up with theirs.

These are the goals (in addition to February's goals) that I am working on now.  Updates will be posted weekly. I wish an extremely happy day to all!

Love,

Gina.