Supermom is out of Reach

"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids." - Unknown.

Sitting in the lobby of the chiropractor's office the other day, waiting to be adjusted by Dr. Mike, I took a deep breath and was so happy to just be...waiting. It was so peaceful to have one and only one task to do...sit. I secretly hoped that the doctor would be running late and I would get to wait a really long time. That didn't happen, but I still relished the short reprieve from the break-neck pace that life has been lately. I've realized that I need to make the best use of every spare moment like this. What I actually realized is I need to create more moments like this rather than wait for them to come to me.

I had a crushingly humble moment a few weeks ago. I was feeling satisfied in knowing that all the tasks that had been filling my mind with unease had been accomplished and, finally, I could relax knowing that I had gotten through another year of costume and presentation preparations that accompanied Halloween and All Saints Day. My moment of humility came when I turned on my computer and, seeing pictures posted on Facebook, I realized I had just missed Benjamin's den's tour of the fire department; a requirement for the Wolf year of scouting.

Seeing the pictures of the other scouts' huge smiles as they climbed on the big red truck and getting to 'rescue' a firefighter, I felt like I had let Ben down in a big way. He would have loved that. I also felt an internal temper tantrum begin to rage from deep within me. "How can I do ALL of this by myself??!!" I took a deep breath and before the anger bubbled to the surface, I realized, I simply cannot do it ALL.

I feel like for the past four years, I have been compromising my sanity by trying to keep up with those damned 'Joneses', for my children's sake, so they wouldn't feel the pain of living in a single parent home. But I finally realized that if we don't feel the pain of living then when will we really learn to live? Yes, my kids go without. They go without making it to every fun event, they go without joining every team, without the latest video games, and sometimes they even go a couple days without a bath or shower because I am too tired to deal with the hassle, but they never go without love. They never go to sleep without me tucking them in to bed at night with a blessing and a kiss goodnight.

I pray that where I fail them, God will pick up the slack and fill in the gaps.

Love and prayers,

Gina.

 

Giving Thanks...Still.

"All whatsoever you do in word or in work, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God and the Father by him." Colosians 3:17

 

We are right in the thick of the holiday season. Commercially, it may as well of been Christmas for about a month now, but socially, it is perfectly legit to put your Christmas tree up now. After all, the turkey left-overs are in the fridge and the good China has finally been put away. As for us, we will wait at least until the first Sunday of Advent to get a tree this year. Usually, we decorate it on Gaudete Sunday, the third Sunday of Advent, but since the kids will be at their dad's this year for Christmas, I plan on enjoying it with them for as long as I can.

For now, I will linger awhile on the things that I am truly grateful for.

Yesterday, Saturday, (yes, while we were all in our pj's and the house was less than inviting) my Jehovah's Witness friend and one of her companions made a surprise 'pop-in' visit. I figured around three years ago that I would not attempt to improve my appearance when I answered the door, in hopes that I would scare them away...but it didn't work. They have been back nearly every other Saturday for the past four years. I gave her a warm hug and asked if she had a nice Thanksgiving. I said it without thinking, I knew they didn't celebrate holidays. She graciously said she had a nice day, even though they don't celebrate the holiday because they believe in being thankful every day. My temperamental nature wanted to argue: "Of course we are thankful every day, but what is wrong with uniting as a country to give thanks to God as a whole?!" but I knew it was pointless. She showed me the latest Watchtower printout, asked me a question and read me a verse from her Bible to 'prove' her point, as she always does, then we said goodbye until next time.

As she walked back to her car, I felt grateful for her. There have been times in my life where I felt my faith growing stagnant, or rather, my emotional connection to my faith weaken. However, every time she comes, our conversations eventually lead me to my Bible to reassure my faith in the one true Church. I wonder if she would continue to come here if she knew her visits only strengthened my own faith. I also wonder what the conversation will be when she comes next time to see my Christmas tree up and my Nativity scene front and center.

I apologize for the digression. This year, I am thankful for many things; a new job that I couldn't be happier with at  St. Mary's Academy, that practically mirrors my children's schedule, and allows me to be home with them when they are out of school. I am grateful for the surprising and wonderful friendships that have developed as a result of working here.

I am truly grateful for my family who continue to take care of Cecelia, the only one not in school. She is practically as 'at home' with her aunt, her grandpa, and her great-grandmother as she is at her own house!

I am thankful for God's continued guidance in my life. In 2008, when my life turned upside-down, after many temper tantrums, bouts of anger and despair, and the realization that I am not the author of my own life, as I always thought I was, I finally surrendered. I placed my life in God's hands with full confidence that He would take care of everything, and I meant EVERYTHING. My surrender to Him was almost demanding and defiant. I literally told Him, "Fine! You took it all away, You take care of me now!!" And He has...in the most amazing of ways. I am most thankful to my heavenly Father who cares for me like one who has a soft spot in his heart for animals, and seeing one in such a pitiful state of helplessness He has taken me in and snipped off the dingleberries of my life.

Of course, I am thankful for the fabulous five. In good times and bad, they make me who I am. They help me to realize my abilities and my limits, both very valuable.

My hope is that everyone can find something to be thankful for this season, that they will cherish those things and be grateful always, not just on Thanksgiving, but the whole year long.


I am also thankful for YOU!!

love and prayers,

Gina.

Thanksgiving