A Lightbulb Moment

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for". - Joseph Addison

Sitting at the restaurant the other day having lunch with a friend, I came to an important understanding that I am accomplishing what I am supposed to be accomplishing. Ever since I stood in front of the judge during one of my divorce court dates in July of 2010, I have had this nagging feeling that I should be doing more. After having been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for 8 years, I remember my lawyer asking the judge, "So, when does she need to start looking for work?" "Tomorrow." was her heartless reply.

And so, I got a part-time job and enrolled myself at the community college to embark on a new career. Entering the workforce after eight years of devoting every breathing moment to mothering my children was scary. I knew the minds of kids, not adults. The job I got, in-home care giving, suited me well, as it wasn't a far cry from being a SAHM. As God's design would have it, if we live long enough, our lives tend to come full circle and in our old age we are more like children than the adults we once were.

But it wasn't on my "this is what I want to do to for the rest of my life" list. That is the reason I went back to school. The fact that I already had my Associates Degree allowed me to begin studies that directly related to my new degree...Paralegal Studies. At the risk of sounding like a total loser, the reason I chose Paralegal studies was because it didn't require any math....and I love courtroom drama films. I felt like once the judge saw that I was employed and in school, she would cut me some slack.

As it turned out, I never had my day in court to let her see all the hard work I'd been putting in (but that's another post for another day). With all of my personal trips to the courthouse, I developed an aversion to everything "legal" and did not enroll in the next quarter of school. More importantly I realized that my children are only young once and I was fearful that those taking care of them while I worked or went to school were spending more time with them than I was. The reason I chose to be a SAHM when I had my first son was because I wanted to be the one who raised my children, not someone else.

I spent the summer continuing to work part-time and spending the rest of the time with the kids.
But when school time came around again, I knew it was time to do something more. I volunteered to work two days a week helping with the Primary Grades at my children's school. This was important to me because the boys felt I was near even if I wasn't with them, and I could spend my lunch with the girls who were watched by my dad a block away. So, now it is as if I have a full-time job; Monday and Friday at the school, Tue.-Thurs. as a caregiver....and yet, up until the other day, I still felt like I should be doing something more.

My dream is to have a career in photography, own my own business and work my chosen hours. At lunch, I was telling my friend, Aaron, that I didn't feel like I was accomplishing much toward that goal. I saw him and others moving in the direction of their goals and I felt stagnant, unmovable. He said one thing that has now changed the way I see my life. He said, "You are doing what you're supposed to be doing, you're holding it all together...and you're doing it well."

He was right. I am holding it all together, and that is not a minor task. My job right now is to raise five spiritually, physically, and emotionally healthy human beings. There is nothing more daunting than that, and nothing more rewarding. I want to thank my family and friends who help and support me in all I do, and my children for simply loving me. I am blessed.