Letting Go of the Monkey

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” ― Mark Twain

There has been a 'monkey' on my back and it's been weighing me down for over four years now. This 'monkey' is not the cute Curious George type and neither is it my kids as they hang on me like I am the steel bars at a local park.

If I could put an image to this metaphorical monkey, it would be more like the baboon pictured here:

Now if that doesn't send chills down your spine, I don't know what would. Most of the time this monkey closes it's freaky mouth and hangs silently, so after four and a half years of carrying this 'monkey' around on my back, I have almost forgotten it is there. But then there were times when the 'monkey' would open wide and bellow it's unworldly screech that only I could hear in the depths of my heart. This monkey has a name, it is Resentment.

Today I took a stand against Resentment. I looked it straight in it's cold dark eyes and told it to "Go to H***!" because if I didn't, there is a very real possibility that I would go there right along with it. Jesus said we should pray "...forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us." How could I expect God to forgive me for all I have done against His infinite Majesty if I could not forgive something someone has done to me...a small and insignificant part of God's creation?

 

I have allowed Resentment to hang on for so long because my weak and silly self thought that if I let it go, I would condone the wrong that has been done. The funny thing is, NO ONE EVEN CARES! The only thing that hanging on to Resentment has really accomplished is, it has weakened me and kept me from moving forward, closer to my God.

 

Today I freed myself from the 'monkey' on my back. It wasn't easy. It was like its fleshy fingers gripped tightly, unwilling to let me go. At first, I felt a loss, even loneliness. What would I cling onto now? Who would I speak of when I needed to vent about the past, again and again? My release of Resentment did not feel like a load off my shoulders like I expected it to. It felt like a void.

 

But now, there is nothing holding me back. There is nothing preventing me from spiritual growth. I will learn to fill that void with Goodness Himself and will be able to soar to higher heights and grander ideals.

 

I know, however, that having carried Resentment around for so long, I may feel it there even though we have been separated. I asked God today to help me lose the memory of my 'monkey' and, in time, I know I will.

 

May we all have the grace to forgive,

 

love, Gina.

 

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