It's Summer....and Pouring Down Rain.

We are eight days into our summer vacation from school. One whole week was quite warm and on Sam's birthday I had the sprinkler going just to give the kids something to cool off with. Now, into the the second week, it's not just raining outside, but it's raining cats and dogs. The kids are at their dad's, it's late evening, and the sound of the downpour all together make for the perfect recipe of creative juices flowing strongly enough to entice me to pick up my writing again.

Looking back on my blog, I realize that Thanksgiving was my last post! What happened, was life. Between mothering and teaching and the blurry line that exists between the two, the desire to put my thoughts into words lost out to the desire to put my thoughts to rest. The truth is teaching young students takes a LOT out of me creatively and when I got home on a school day, my brain needed to go to sleep. This is why the kids and I live for summertime!

I realize my life is changing rapidly and I am trying to not only figure out how to deal with the changes but to relish them as well. One big change is my oldest, Samuel, has graduated from Eighth Grade at St. Mary's and as I try to figure out where his best option for high school is, I struggle with the idea of,  "What if I make the wrong choice for him?"

On the other end of the spectrum, Cecelia is seven years old now and doesn't need me to help her go to the bathroom in the early morning hours while we are camping anymore. This may seem like a strange thing to some, but it was an eye-opening moment for me when, in the cold morning air, before anyone else was awake, she announced to me that she was going to go to the bathroom. Now, we were tent camping at my sister and brother-in-laws property and the only facilities was the "tent toilet" hole in the ground. I asked if she needed me to go with her (secretly hoping I didn't have to crawl out of my warm sleeping bag) and she said, "No." With that, she was unzipping the tent, zipped it back up after herself, and was gone.

In my half conscience state of morning grogginess, so many past camping trips flashed before my eyes. All the times, of her sleeping with me, waking me up to go to the bathroom not only at the crack of dawn, but all hours of the night. The nights of nursing her to sleep and ever so gently lying her down so I could sneak back to the campfire. The nights of lying her down in our tent and worrying whether or not I would hear her if she woke up. The pictures of her sleeping cuddled up next to her cousin or her sister. The night of her getting sick all over me, all over the bed, all over the trailer. Those days are in the past as she gets more and more independant every day.

I smiled to myself as I heard her zip the tent up behind her. How easy my life was now! I miss my babies, but I want to freeze them in the age they are right now.

After I got up that day we were camping, as we stood around the morning fire to warm ourselves, I mentioned to Cecelia how proud I was of her for being able to take care of herself. That was when I found that she didn't make it to the toilet tent. She thought the tent shed used for sheltering tools to clear the land was the bathroom and popped a squat in there....without toilet paper.  Her older cousin ended up having to burry her waste.

So, yes, my kids are growing up fast, but to my satisfaction they still need my guidance and I hope to always lead them in the right direction...whatever that may be.

My favorite thing is to see my children snuggled together.

Hiking then....

a little later....

Hiking now!

and now with the boys....I'm the one lagging behind.

Greener Grass??

It has been so long since I logged in to write a post that I had forgotten my password and had to go through the ever so annoying process of setting up a new one. The truth is, I haven't written in so long because living hasn't left me room in my life to contemplate or reflect. I have missed that. However, with the Lenten time upon us, due to activities I have given up for the next 30 days, I have some time to "catch up".

I guess I thought that I no longer had an audience since my blog had become stagnant, but according to Blogger, people are still checking in, so I thank you for that.

I feel like my life is on the brink of change. My family is on the fence about something that would change our lives dramatically. Actually, my family, is not on the fence...I am. Everybody else has hopped the fence and is running free where the grass appears greener. I am standing there, sceptically looking at that green grass and wondering if it was sprayed with green chemicals to make it look luscious and inviting.

A few months back, my mom brought to mind the idea of finding a multi-family house to rent that would be big enough for the kids and I and her and my dad. I thought it over and the more I looked online at available houses, the more it seemed this was a plausible possibility. Those houses included; two kitchens, multi-levels, separate entrances, many bathrooms and a nice big fenced-in back yard with puppy possibilities.

Then my mother found a house, fell in love, and all but packed the moving vans! The only thing is...we haven't been in this house yet, and some of the things I thought would be necessary for it to work, aren't there.

There are so many concrete pros to moving into this house (at least if it is laid out exactly as it was described to me) that it almost doesn't make sense not to do it. The kids and I would have four bedrooms instead of three allowing for Samuel to finally have his own room, the backyard is HUGE with get this: a tree fort and a playhouse (boys vs. girls), the kitchen, though not separate, is supposedly large and newly remodeled, it's just as close to school/work as we are now, and I would be saving quite a bit of money a month. Seems like a no-brainer, right?

So why is it weighing so heavily on my heart? The answer is two part, and it lies within my past.

When I moved out to be on my own at 19, I discovered my love of anonymity, liberty and independence. Nobody had to know where I was at all times, I had the liberty to come and go as I pleased...wherever that was, and I had the independence to chose whether or not I would do the dishes at night, what color curtains I put up and how loud and frequently I listened to the soundtrack of O Brother Where Art Thou.

When I got married, I gladly gave up some of that in exchange for the duties of my chosen vocation.

When I was on my own again, I rediscovered that love of freedom, though it was a different kind of freedom. "Popcorn for dinner?" "YAY!!", "We are going camping today!", "YAY!" "Go outside and play so I can have some peace and quiet." "YAY!" "We're going to Mass in 30 minutes." "But it's Saturday, why do we have to go to Mass today?" "BECAUSE I SAID SO".

The choices that need to be made are mine to make and I haven't had to share that responsibility for almost 5 years. That, although sometimes burdensome, is freedom to me.

The second part of the answer has to do with the house we live in now. I had no idea about this part until I spoke to my mother about my reservations about moving and in one sentence she almost had me in tears. She spoke about how it might be difficult to move on account of my sentimental attachment to our house. Every fiber of my being wanted to refute this idea. I never considered myself a very sentimental person. I love getting rid of stuff and there isn't much that I own that I would be sorry to lose. I have no desire to own my own house because I never want to be so attached to anything or anyplace.

I left that conversation with a heaviness on my heart. When I got home that day, I walked through my front door and suddenly my house seemed to give me one of those big understanding sympathetic hugs that break down the floodgates and force the waterworks to flow freely. I sat down and so many memories came pouring into my conscience mind, memories that I didn't realize I associated with our home.

This house was here to greet us on the sunny morning of July 1, 2008. It's doors opened wide like welcoming arms. It was as though it was saying, "I know you are broken and imperfect, but so am I, we will do just fine together." My four kids and I moved in and the house kept us all together at a time when I felt I was falling apart. A month later, I brought Cecelia home from the hospital to this house and the six of us settled into our new life.

The furniture has been rearranged so many times in hopes to find the most space efficient arrangement and the scratches in the hardwood floors have stories to tell. The walls have literally been climbed, and every square inch has been lived in to the fullest. So many times I have cursed this house for its cramped quarters, it's noisy furnace or the persistent moles that have mansions under the lawn. But the truth is, this house has been good to us. It has been good for us.

As of right now, I don't know if we are moving soon or not. It will take some adjustment in my way of thinking, and acceptance of the sacrifices that will have to be made. The grass may be greener on the other side, but at what cost?

 

Not much from the outside...but with the love of a family, it's home.

Spring Has Sprung in our Great Big Backyard!

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves." ~John Muir 

In my opinion, the sun in the Pacific Northwest is shinier, brighter and more glorious than anywhere else in the country. When I lived in the Sierra Nevada region sunny days were bountiful, beautiful and hot. Did I say bountiful? Living there made me appreciate rain. I can remember days where the sun actually annoyed me. Is that possible? Was I ungrateful? Maybe that is the key to why the sun, when enjoyed in Washington state, just seems so....heavenly; people here never lose appreciation for it.

The month of April, while bringing it's signature showers, was also generous with it's beautiful sunny days that foretold of a coming summer. I have been able to get out and enjoy the woods of Washington on several occasions already. As I've said before, I consider the natural world around me; the state parks, forests, national parks, rivers, lakes and mountains, our backyard.

After many failed plans to go hiking with one of my oldest friends, Valerie, we finally made it happen. Up early one morning, when the kids happened to be at their dad's, we both had the first half of the day to drink in a healthy dose of nature's vitamin D. The challenge was in finding somewhere nearby. As it turned out, it wasn't much of a challenge. To my pleasant surprise, there are many places within 20 minutes of home that I had never explored before.

We headed south to the capital city, Olympia. First we took the mild but beautiful trail near Tumwater Falls. We walked only a short ways and realized, due to construction, half the trail was closed. Still not in the mood to return home, we headed back north and pulled off I-5 toward Tolmie State Park. Both photography enthusiasts, Valerie and I had a heyday with the mossy green forest, and the sparkling blue bay. I enjoyed this place so much that I returned the next day with my sister, Emily, and best friend, Aaron. On the way home we stopped for coffee and wrote down our goals for this summer. It is the outcome of this spontaneous meeting that will be the topic of my next post.

Two weeks after my first Spring venture into the great backyard, we were blessed with another dose of sunny weather. In fact, it was so warm, I decided we would head up to Mt. Rainier for National Park Week with the added bonus that during this week none of the usual fees applied for park entry.  The kids and I, and, of course, my little sis, Emily, changed our clothes after church, packed a lunch and headed on the road to 'The Mountain'. We decided to enter by way of the north side...but apparently I haven't learned my lesson in researching before a trip...because that entrance was closed til summer.  So we made our way back down and ended up at Buck Creek Campground at the base of the mountain.

This place had it all. Secluded sites to park and picnic, trails through mossy green forests, an icy rushing river for us the kids to play in, and breathtaking views. We spent the entire day here, just soaking in the beauty that surrounded us. As Emily stated, "There's nothing like a mountain to make you feel small." This is a great feeling to me. I love to feel small and insignificant. I know that seems to go against the grain of modern thinking, but it is a feeling that tends to make all of life's stresses melt away. For how can the things in that our lives that seem such a BIG DEAL really be so, when we are so small?

Sunny days to all,

Gina