It's Summer....and Pouring Down Rain.

We are eight days into our summer vacation from school. One whole week was quite warm and on Sam's birthday I had the sprinkler going just to give the kids something to cool off with. Now, into the the second week, it's not just raining outside, but it's raining cats and dogs. The kids are at their dad's, it's late evening, and the sound of the downpour all together make for the perfect recipe of creative juices flowing strongly enough to entice me to pick up my writing again.

Looking back on my blog, I realize that Thanksgiving was my last post! What happened, was life. Between mothering and teaching and the blurry line that exists between the two, the desire to put my thoughts into words lost out to the desire to put my thoughts to rest. The truth is teaching young students takes a LOT out of me creatively and when I got home on a school day, my brain needed to go to sleep. This is why the kids and I live for summertime!

I realize my life is changing rapidly and I am trying to not only figure out how to deal with the changes but to relish them as well. One big change is my oldest, Samuel, has graduated from Eighth Grade at St. Mary's and as I try to figure out where his best option for high school is, I struggle with the idea of,  "What if I make the wrong choice for him?"

On the other end of the spectrum, Cecelia is seven years old now and doesn't need me to help her go to the bathroom in the early morning hours while we are camping anymore. This may seem like a strange thing to some, but it was an eye-opening moment for me when, in the cold morning air, before anyone else was awake, she announced to me that she was going to go to the bathroom. Now, we were tent camping at my sister and brother-in-laws property and the only facilities was the "tent toilet" hole in the ground. I asked if she needed me to go with her (secretly hoping I didn't have to crawl out of my warm sleeping bag) and she said, "No." With that, she was unzipping the tent, zipped it back up after herself, and was gone.

In my half conscience state of morning grogginess, so many past camping trips flashed before my eyes. All the times, of her sleeping with me, waking me up to go to the bathroom not only at the crack of dawn, but all hours of the night. The nights of nursing her to sleep and ever so gently lying her down so I could sneak back to the campfire. The nights of lying her down in our tent and worrying whether or not I would hear her if she woke up. The pictures of her sleeping cuddled up next to her cousin or her sister. The night of her getting sick all over me, all over the bed, all over the trailer. Those days are in the past as she gets more and more independant every day.

I smiled to myself as I heard her zip the tent up behind her. How easy my life was now! I miss my babies, but I want to freeze them in the age they are right now.

After I got up that day we were camping, as we stood around the morning fire to warm ourselves, I mentioned to Cecelia how proud I was of her for being able to take care of herself. That was when I found that she didn't make it to the toilet tent. She thought the tent shed used for sheltering tools to clear the land was the bathroom and popped a squat in there....without toilet paper.  Her older cousin ended up having to burry her waste.

So, yes, my kids are growing up fast, but to my satisfaction they still need my guidance and I hope to always lead them in the right direction...whatever that may be.

My favorite thing is to see my children snuggled together.

Hiking then....

a little later....

Hiking now!

and now with the boys....I'm the one lagging behind.

Another Confession of a Single Mom

So thanks to my mother-in-law, the kids get to be with their dad for 12 consecutive days. It is a good thing. Their father wants to be with them and they have fun while they are there... not to mention Grandma spoils the heck out of them.  However, this is the longest time I have gone without kids in over 10 years!!

***Long dramatic pause***

Ten years. Twelve days. Just me. What to do?

Well, I must say, I have been looking forward to this week and a half for quite some time now. I had great plans. Here is how my plans began, and how they are looking now:



Plan A - Every thought of mine was consumed with the idea of going on a solo backpacking trip on the Wonderland Trail which circles the base of Mt. Rainier and traverses over 90 miles of alpine meadows, glacial views and promised lakeside camping. I was going to quit working my current job, and spend at least nine of my twelve days in the wilderness.

Dose of Reality #1 - I should have reserved my itinerary last year. Plus I got in a rear-end accident a few weeks ago and now my back wouldn't put up with a 40-pound pack for more than 40 seconds. Plus, I can't afford to quit yet, although that is still somewhat in my plans since my teaching job is looming in the very near future.

Plan B - Work only Tuesday through Thursday the first week the kids are gone, then quit so I can go on various day trips and continue checking off my summer bucket list.

Dose of Reality #2 - A very dear family friend passed away, and I need to rearrange my work schedule to attend his funeral in Spokane, WA. This goes without question. I wouldn't miss being a bit of moral support to some of the best friends life has to offer for anything in the world.

Plan C - So now my plans are to work Monday, be in Spokane Tuesday and Wednesday, work Thursday and possibly Friday. Then I will be done working and can use the final days before the kids get home to get my classroom fully prepared for the upcoming school year.

Dose of Reality #3 - I'm all growed up.

So here is the confession, as mentioned in this post's title:

As a single mother of five children people often ask me, "How do you do it?" "Well, I just do it" is what I usually respond, what else can I say. Well, I could say what I am often really thinking, which is; I don't do it. It often does me. There are times when all I want to do is sit down with my head in my hands and cry. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a world made up of six people and five of them are against me. There are days when I want to revert to being the child and flop myself on the ground and pump my fist against the floor, screaming, until everyone does what I want them to do.

However, there are also days when I feel like we are a force to be reckoned with, six against the world, with God on our side.

The kids have been gone for three days now. What have I done? I spent Friday cleaning the house and the evening was spent with friends.  Saturday, I ran a 5K race sponsored by 4US (http://4us.org/), an awesome organization that is striving to make ultra sounds free for pregnant women who are considering abortion and also to provide free counseling with hopes that women will make better choices for themselves and their babies. After that I went home and crashed on the couch. Crashed hard! I am almost ashamed to admit that I took a four hour long nap, watched a movie and went to bed.

Today, I was home. Home in my silent house. This is what I longed for, right? Peace and quiet. A mother's intangible, often elusive treasure. Well it was right there, all around me....and I hadn't a clue what to do with it. I actually found myself standing in my living room looking around not knowing what to do. I found myself missing....dare I say it....chaos. No, not chaos, so much, as the company of the other five souls that make this house a home.

One of my favorite truths is this: Our bodies do not have souls, our souls have bodies. I am making the most of my time alone, being the only body in this house is peaceful. But being the only soul in this house is lonely.

Happy Summer,

with love,

Gina.