Solitude vs. Loneliness

There are quotes a plenty on solitude, most of which I agree with, but this one rings especially true to me right now. I am making a conscience effort to keep the TV off today, to quit mindless social media scrolling and to focus on what is around me. Small pleasures I frequently lose sight of in the frenzy of the work week and weekend activities are revealing themselves to me in every hour of solitude that I find myself in. 

My kids are at their dad's this weekend and at first I found myself at a loss for what to do. Once the household chores were done I realized I was literally walking mindless circles throughout the house...with our cocker spaniel, Jenny, following my every step. The seemingly constant drizzle is keeping me from yard work which I would love to be doing right now, but being housebound in the rain isn't so bad. 

I find that having a cup of coffee is an actual activity, and one that brings great satisfaction. From grinding the beans, to pouring the hot water over the fragrant grounds, to sipping from my favorite mug as I stare outside our large floor-to-ceiling window that looks over the neighborhood. I understand why this is a favorite pastime of Jenny...staring out the window. Wow, after reading that paragraph, I feel like I must be 87 years old inside!!

After coffee, I made my way back into the kitchen to bake some of my favorite cinnamon scones. I found myself enjoying the whole process of baking rather than it merely being a means to a delicious end. Carefully measuring ingredient after ingredient, melting butter, lightly beating the egg, smelling the cinnamon and vanilla before adding them..it was all as therapeutic as eating comfort foods can be. So by now, I have decided I must be a grandma!

But then...

I turned on the music while the scones baked. My living room became a dance floor and I was the only one on earth. I was brought back to my younger teen years when my parents would play their music loudly and we'd plug in the strobe light (seriously, who owns a strobe light?). We would dance in our small living room like it were a night club playing all the greats from the classic rock era. During one specific New Years Eve at home a group of people showed up at our door asking if this was the party they were looking for. We said no, but you can join us. They didn't.

As I danced amidst Jenny's non-judging audience I vowed to myself, the next essential trip I make will involve finding a strobe light. Then I realized I wasn't 87 years old inside, I was only thirteen!

In all seriousness though, what must be true is in the latter years of life, as well as in the early years, life's small pleasures are enjoyed to the fullest for the moment they grace. I think in the middle years, the productive, busy ones, we tend to lose sight of what makes life truly enjoyable. We are a world forced to slow down and take stock of what is important right now. I pray we never go back to normal, but that our new normal is will be one marked by gratitude for what we have,  love of stillness and especially deep-seated appreciation for those we love.

Day 2: COVID-19 Self "Quarentine"

What an ugly blog post title!

Anyway, I have a less demanding schedule these days and the desire to write is coming back. In June the kids and I will have our 5th anniversary of living in the house we are in. Five years is the longest we've lived anywhere! When we first moved up here we were blessed by good friends who let me rent one of their rentals for dirt cheap. It was a difficult time, but that little, tiny house located in a very "iffy" neighborhood is so precious to me because it is where I brought home the baby of our family. It is also where I spent those priceless years with my kids when they were so little and loving and...cute! It's hard to believe how fast time really does fly. After five years of living there we transitioned into a nice house with a big yard and lived there with my parents for two years. That place, also, holds precious memories of my kids surrounding my dad as he read them stories before bed, my mom making all of us pancakes for breakfast and being so close to my Nana that we could walk and visit her anytime.

But the time for me to find a respectable house for myself and my kids had come again. My folks were moving back into their home and our landlord wanted to sell. I looked on various online home rental sites and found one that I was interested in. I set up an appointment with the realtor to go check it out. It turned out to be an old turn-of-the-century (or even older!) home. Its exterior was built with stone and the interior had all kinds of interesting and unique built-in nooks and crannies. There was one room that interested me because to enter it you had to climb into it as the door to the room was a good 2-3 feet off the ground! Yet, this room wasn't hidden away, it was right next to the kitchen. We continued to see the rest of the house and finally I asked the realtor what was the purpose of that one room? "Do you really want to know?" was her response. Umm, ya, now more than ever! She told me it was the quarantine room for those afflicted with tuberculosis. There was a window very high in the room so that family could look down from the upstairs to make sure they were ok, but otherwise, usually the afflicted would go in there to die. So, I never went back.

I think about that house now and what a nice bed and breakfast I could have made out of it for anyone afflicted with COVID-19. I also think about how we are living in historical times. When my oldest looks back on the year he graduated high school, he will more likely remember how he barely attended his third trimester and all anyone talked about was the Coronavirus, rather than the celebrations and transition into adulthood. I read something the other day that said those graduating this year were born in a world recently affected by the events of 9/11 and will be graduating in the year of a pandemic. I believe they will be strong. They will affect the world in their own way.

Soooo, we are in day two of our self-quarantined, homeschool adventure. The first day was St. Patrick's Day and we enjoyed a delicious meal at home with our priest and good friend as our honored guest. I was happy to have all my kids home, safe and healthy. Today I needed to get out and take in some of that beautiful sunshine that has been gracing the PNW. So I decided we were going hiking.

Fun-ish notes about the day: I had an Irish Coffee at 9 am... just checking, but that's kind of like drinking a mimosa, right? One of those alcoholic drinks totally acceptable to drink first thing in the morning? Mmkay, good.

Second fun-ish note: I had the wind knocked out of me today! It was only witnessed by my 6 year old niece, myself and the ball of fur and muscle that is my brother's black American pit-bull who happened to be the culprit. As I approached the back yard deck all of a sudden I felt my legs lift up from under me and I landed with a thud flat on my back on a pile of gravel. For a few seconds, I didn't even know what happened! I stood up, kind of ticked off and wanting to cry, then I was just upset that it wasn't caught on video to share with all of you and maybe win $100,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos.

We hiked 2 vertical miles today at Mt. Peak. The mile up took us 45 min. That will be the time to beat next week. When I used to have to climb that peak for PT while I worked on a DNR Wildland Firefighting crew we'd have to do it in 28 minutes. That is my goal.

Other than that, schooling went well...there was some whining, some bribing, some slamming books, so, you know, nothing out of the ordinary.  Healthy days to all! Goodnight.