When I Grow Up I'm Gonna Be......

"You're beautiful, and nice." This is the comment I look forward to every Monday and Friday when I step into the primary grade's classroom at St. Mary's Academy.

At the beginning of the school year the faculty asked any parents who couldn't pay the full tuition if they could help out with various jobs pertaining to the school. These jobs included yard work, fundraising, organizing a phone tree, cleaning or helping in the classroom. I volunteered to help in the classroom twice a week. I was thrilled to be asked to take over with the Kindergartners on Monday and Friday and was also happy to be able to see my boys throughout the day.

What I didn't expect was the joy I'd feel when I would see one of the little ones experience a breakthrough in learning. When they have a light bulb moment and squeal with excitement at the realization that they are reading! Or when they remembered through the weekend that 9+9=18! I didn't expect to laugh so much when, in all innocence, one would call me Sister, another Teacher, and yet another Mr. Stewart (and in her dialect Misto Stewut).

The Kindergarten through Second graders are all in one room, and from across the room I can see Hunter and Benjamin as they are being taught by Sister Bernardine. When I hear that one or the other is struggling with a certain concept I send them positive thought waves and cheer them on hoping they will tune in.

I have been asked to be the sole Kindergarten teacher next year, which means Mon., Wed., and Fridays I will be at St. Mary's passing on my wealth of knowledge of the ever so important concepts of colors, shapes, letters and patterns. More importantly though, I will be able to help these future adults grasp the concepts of self-esteem, confidence and respect for those around them.

Even on challenging days, when the kids have enough energy to power a Morse Code message to Mars and I'm going on my fourth or fifth cup of coffee, I find strength and companionship in the company of the other teachers. OTHER teachers? That sounds so foreign. Me? A teacher? Yes, that is the path that has been laid for me, and with a happy heart, I intend to follow it.

"My" Kindergartners

Ben reading to the class

Limitations

I actually wanted to name this post "What I Wish I Could Do If I Had the Time and Resources (Not to Mention Patience)" but that might scare a few people away. Today I found myself with the longing feeling of desire for a husband. Not, necessarily my ex-husband, but just a husband, and a longing not for the company, but for the functionality.

The day started out, ironically, by meeting my ex to get the kids back after a two day visit with their dad. From there, we went to the chiropractor and then to Walmart to buy Benjamin a new bed since his old one was sagging in the middle after three years of being jumped on from the top of the bunk beds. The six of us then proceeded to Lowe's to check out shelves to help me organize the boys' belongings. Then we were home and it was time to relax. I was exhausted after having the rare opportunity to go out with friends the night before.

This is when I got to do one of my favorite things in the world. Snuggle on the couch with one of my kids. We fell asleep and the others played quietly for at least a glorious and wonderful hour-and-a-half! When I woke up to someone whispering in my ear, "I'm hungry", and someone else giggling as they gently lifted my eyelids, I knew that rest for the weary had come to an abrupt end.

We ate dinner and that gave me the energy to begin the process of assembling Ben's new bed. A few of my kids are coming down with colds and Cecelia, being one of them, was not in her sunniest disposition. She planted herself next to me in the boys' room and whined about this and that. I try to ignore whining because to respond to it, I believe, reinforces it. And yet, it is scientifically proven (really, I read an article about this) that whining is the most annoying and distracting noise known to humankind. How can you ignore that!! Anyway, although, I did not enjoy assembling the bed and I found myself wishing the whole time that I could delegate the task to a male, I was proud of the fact that I was getting it done.

It was time for the final touches, the sides that extended about 18 inches from the headboard. That was the moment where any sense of pride in my handiwomanship vanished in the blink of an eye. Somehow, I assembled most of the pieces upside down!! I had already been at if for almost two hours and I would have to unassemble just about the entire thing to correct my mistake. I was frustrated, angry and I wanted to cry. Okay, what I really wanted to do is kick the darn thing, throw it out the window and spit on it. I knew, however, not only would that set a bad example for the littles, but it wouldn't get me anywhere. A few tears did escape though.

I stood there trying to decide what to do and Cecelia was crying, literally begging me to put her to bed, so I figured I needed to step away. I picked her up and went to lay her down. As I approached her room, the other kids ran from there, down the hall. I saw why as I opened the door....it appeared a hurricane had touched down and swept the room from wall to wall....this room I spent time cleaning and decorating while the kids were at their dads. I will skip the details of what happened next, but it wasn't pretty.

A long story short, I decided the bed didn't need the side rails, the few tears that escaped earlier turned into a torrential downpour, and when I put the shelves up in the boys' room, I will have my dad over for dinner.

Single parenthood has showed me I am stronger in a lot of ways than I ever believed possible, but it has also brought me to my knees in humility begging God for the strength to just endure the moment. It has showed me I have limitations, even though I try to do it all myself. But it has also showed me the willingness and kindness of those I am lucky to call my family and friends.

Note to Self: Get more sleep! (It's part of the Happiness Project, you know!)

Happy day to all,

Gina.

In his eyes....as far as his bed goes....I can do no wrong.

Happiness Project: If

My Happiness Project: The Little Things

Nine days into my Happiness Project I can honestly say I am a happier person. Let me review my goals:

1. Get more sleep. I can't say that I have been successful at this one yet. I have been going to bed an average of 1 hour earlier than before, but I have been about hour off of my goal of a 10pm bedtime. However, because I have been going to bed one hour earlier than my previous average I think this is an accomplishment in itself. I still have a hard time getting up with my alarm though and 'snooze' is still my friend.
2. Exercise better. I am happy to report I am making headway with this goal. I am still not as consistent as I want to be, but as of right now, every muscle in my body is sore to the core. I have been using the strength exercises of kettle bell with the play cardio of a rebounder (fancy lingo for mini trampoline).
3. Organize. This has been and always will be an ongoing task. I have discovered the joy of keeping a day planner. I have my phone numbers, bills, appointments, menus, and grocery lists all in one place. I have dropped off three huge bags off at the Goodwill, and have one in my room that I keep for whenever I come across something that I don't use, don't like or have to pick up too many times. When this fills up....away it goes!
4. Tackle a nagging task. I have been taking care of those nagging tasks (for me usually phone calls I dread making) as soon as I have the opportunity to do so. This, alone, has given me the biggest boost. In doing so, I have received two $150 refunds having to do with health insurance, I have an important appointment scheduled that I've been trying to get for 6 months, and I have a guy coming to fix our furnace.

All this, plus the fact that God has been smiling on the Pacific Northwest for the past week giving us the most unbelievably beautiful weather anyone can remember, along with the 'little things' are making me incredibly content and joyful.

These are some of the 'little things' that have given me happiness this week:

• I was rushing to get the girls and myself out the door this morning when I realized it was an hour earlier than I thought it was! Therefore, we were completely ready to go with an hour to relax!
• Sunny days in Washington are more beautiful than anywhere in the country. Because of all the rain, the air is clear and crisp and the sunshine is sparkling.
• After they went to bed Sunday night, two of my boys were arguing over who loved me more :)
• My furnace is fixed and since we've been huddling by space heaters for so long I feel like we are living in the lap of luxury.
• I had a great conversation with the old guy who picked me up to bring me to the auto shop to get my van back.
• I got my van back.
• A day after mentioning to my sister that I wanted to get some bunk beds for the girls' room, a friend sent me this text, "Do you know anyone who wants bunk beds?"

That last one was a major 'little thing'.

I have also learned that when you surrender yourself to God's will, he works in marvelous ways. That, I believe, is another key to happiness. Surrender.

Happy days to all,

Gina

Babies make me happy!

My Happiness Project: Groundhogs Day

I have a little crush on the cute white bearded old man who stood behind the Groundhog Club handler in Punxsutawney, Pa this morning. His smile reached from ear to ear and his eyes twinkled like he knew how to squeeze joy out of each and every day. When I am older, I want to have crows feet that will show all who see me that I knew how to live, laugh, and love.

For all who have seen the timeless (ha ha) classic Groundhogs Day with Bill Murray, you know what I mean when I say in the past I have felt like I lived one of those days..."days" really meaning weeks or months where every day feels like the same day, just another date on the calendar. Those days where the minutiae of life seems to hide the passion of life and the doldrums kick in.

Let me tell you about my morning... I woke up to my alarm at 5:50am too tired to get up, because I was forced to break my resolution to get to bed by 10pm. This, being on account of being forced to do having to help my son complete his outline for his science project. He told me it was due today but failed to remember to bring home his library books pertaining to his project...(picture me pulling out my hair and breathing through gritted teeth). Okay, so it wasn't quite his fault that I didn't go to bed on time...I stayed up to watch Biggest Loser after he went to bed. What I learned, though, is that I must be flexible and allow for me time if I am to be happy, no matter how much sleep I don't get.

Back to this morning. After pressing snooze off on my alarm I fell right back into a cozy slumber. At 6:20 I was rudely awoken by Alan Jackson screaming that "she's gone country" all the way from the boys' room. (Luckily, I set their alarm when I tucked them in last night). "Surely, someone will get up to turn that off", I mistakenly thought. Well it got me up, even though the boys were still sound asleep under their blankets.

As they were getting dressed, I made my way to the kitchen to make breakfast. Although my kids would prefer to eat cold cereal every morning of their life, I didn't have any so I thought I'd cook up some bacon, scrambled eggs and toast. Sounded good to me. I got the bacon going in the pan and ran down the hall to ensure the kids were actually moving in the right direction. They weren't, so I had to help speed up the process. Long story short: after several incidences with several kids...I headed back into the kitchen where I had forgotten about the bacon. The kitchen was rapidly filling with thick smoke and breakfast was barely recognizable. On went the fans, open went the doors, out went the pan with charcoal in it. Breakfast, Plan B: eggs and toast. Samuel offered to make the eggs telling me how my grandmother, Nana, taught him how. I was a little hesitant, but desperate for time to make school lunches and get the girls ready to go.

He did an amazing job.

All in all, everyone was ready to go when Aunt Tina's big white bus came to pick them up. The point of all this is although the minutiae of daily life is still there, there is happiness to be found amidst it all. My happiness this morning began with Samuel stepping up to the plate and coming through for me when I really needed him. But it also came from seeing the way Benjamin proudly brushed his in-bad-need-of-a-haircut hair. It was so slicked down with water that it looked glued to his face, but he was so proud of it that I couldn't bear to "fix" it. It is also coming from the sun shining through my window, and the smile on this guys face:

I told you he was cute! My goal today is to find happiness in the little tiny details of life, even the details I might have found annoying, like when Hunter asked, "Aren't we going to have bacon with this?" Yes, dear, if you want it, it's in a greasy pile behind the mailbox.

Happy Groundhogs Day to all, and don't worry, Phil has been wrong in the past....I feel Spring is just around the corner!

Gina.

From Wildfire to Burnt Toast: My Happiness Project

From Wildfire to Burnt Toast: My Happiness Project

My Happiness Project

It's been three and a half years now since I made an important discovery: Happiness doesn't just 'happen', it is created, and sometimes forced. There are moments of happiness that fall into our lives like an unexpected rainstorm, and there are mundane dry spells where it seems like finding happiness is like searching for a drink of water in the middle of the Sahara Desert. 

Three and a half years ago I was abandoned by my husband, moved with four children from Nevada to Washington, set up home for the five six of us and was about to give birth to my fifth child. I had a case of hives like I had never experienced before and I literally wanted to rip my skin off! It was a moment in my life where I had almost given up on happiness....almost. I was scared, unsettled, lonely...and pregnant. Given all this, there was something inside of me (besides the constant stirring of a precious human life) that refused to allow my circumstances to dictate whether or not I could be happy. It may have been my stubborn nature, it may have been human nature's innate will to survive....I believe it was a combination of the two, infused by the sustenance of God's grace, that got me through.

Looking back, I would never have asked God for those circumstances but now I would never ask God to take those trying times back. Helen Keller said it best when she said,  "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." This rings so true for me!

Having experienced such great pain, I feel like I have been able to experience joy in an increasingly more intense way. I am happy. Overwhelmed...frequently....but happy.

Having said that, I am embarking on what I am going to call a Happiness Project. I came across a book by the same name at my sister's house and by the end of the first page I knew it was something I wanted to do. It is not a quest to find happiness (that would imply I was currently void of it), but rather specific resolutions, or 'happiness habits' that I intend to make second nature in my life in order to get me through those 'dry spells' that we all experience.

The book is set up with resolutions to follow by the month, and considering it starts in January, and we can smell February right around the corner, my 'Project' will look a little different than the outline in the book. I plan on documenting all my findings on this blog. For the next four weeks I will work on acquiring specific habits that will improve my health of mind and body.

1. Go to sleep earlier. (This will require a LOT of will power, because night time is my time)
2. Exercise Better (More regular, more varied)
3. Toss, restore, organize (I love to do this so I'm really excited to simplify even more)
4. Tackle a nagging task (I admit it, I'm a big procrastinator....)

Okay, February 19th (much earlier than this hour) I will be documenting the results of  a months worth of efforts to live in the habit of happiness. I plan on keeping my blog up to date on what I am accomplishing in the by and by.

Happy days to all!

Gina.

3 1/3 years ago, this little girl brought me more happiness than I ever thought possible, and she continues to do so every day.

Yes, Ma'am, I DO have my hands full!

Among my circle of friends, family and acquaintances my family of five (children, that is) ranks as pretty average sized...with a little more hands and toes than most, but not as much as many. I know many families with seven kids or more, including my sisters family.  As I've mentioned before, I am one of 10 (hers/his/theirs). But every mother with four or more children knows the parade of comments that strangers must feel the need to make. Here are a few that I hear often and some of the replies I've either said or wished I'd said.

"Are they all yours?" - Actual reply: "Heck ya, you think I'd take someone else's kids shopping with me?!!"

"Haven't you figured out what causes that?" (always followed by hysterical laughter as though it was an original statement) - Actual reply: "courtesy laugh", Imagined reply: "No, sir, they just kept coming as though I hit the jackpot...guess I'm just lucky!"

"Are you going to have any more?"  - Pre-divorce answer: "Probably", Now: "Only God knows.", Imagined reply, "Well, now, let me pull out my crystal ball....."

One of my least favorites before I had Isabelle, "Are you going to try for a girl?" - Imagined reply, "Tell me now, how does one try for a girl, do you do it any differently?"

And, of course, the one I inevitably hear every time I take all five of them to the grocery store, "My, you have your hands full!!" I hear this so often that when a friendly elderly gent stopped to ask Benjamin if he was my big helper, Benjamin replied, "Yep, we give her full hands."

That's right...and a full heart and a full life.

All the cousins living in WA (in my parents small living room!)

A Step in the Right Direction

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

I mentioned in an earlier post that my dream is to make a living as a photographer capturing beautiful moments and freezing them in time for the enjoyment of generations to come.  I didn't know how or when that would start, but within the past month I have stumbled upon a discovery that, although many have probably already known, was something new to me. It turns out that if you let your dreams and aspirations out of your head and heart, and into the world, something will happen.

To announce my dreams to others was always a fear of mine. I feared that if I let them made known and then never saw them to completion, I would be looked at as a failure.  But what I have discovered is that when our dreams are made known, others are more than willing to help you make your dreams a reality!

By mentioning my love for photography, and my desire to turn my hobby into a career to others, doors have been opened in ways I never imagined. Most recently, the staff at St. Mary's Academy asked me to do the school pictures this year. I was elated to say the least! My first real photography job! So with my far-from-professional equipment and some backgrounds I bought at the Goodwill, I arrived at St. Mary's on "Picture Day" full of excitement and anxiety. Excitement that I got to spend a day doing what I loved doing, and anxiety over the thought that I wouldn't be able to do it well enough.


I started with Sr. Bernardine Marie's class, the K-2nd graders. They were exceptionally cooperative! One by one, I had them climb up onto the stool, show me their grandest smiles, and hop on down. The middle grades, 3-5th graders, were next and were also pretty easy subjects, despite the fact that they had to sit very still because I didn't have the best lighting and couldn't use my flash on account of the undesirable dark shadow that would appear behind their heads.


Finally, the 6-8th graders. Is it possible that students become more immature as they age? They seemed to come with two goals in mind:  not to smile, and to act as if getting their pictures taken was absolute torture! Despite their resistance, I captured their smiles (or at least their 'trying-not-to-smile' smiles), and sent them on their way.

By the end of the day, I felt I had what it takes. A dream. That is all it takes. Well, a dream and the courage to share that dream with others. I won't make a dime for myself for the work put in to the final product, but I will have hopefully earned Saint Mary's enough money for the yearbooks (which I have been asked to help with!) and I earned experience, the most valuable asset of all. 

Slowin' down...

Our neighbors house got broken into last Saturday. It happened between 3:30 and 5:30 pm, which means it was barely dark out yet. Even creepier, all the kids and I were here at home each attending to our own lazy happenings. I was napping on the couch when my neighbor knocked on the door asking to use my phone. "Did you happen to see or hear anything?" she asked. The truth is, the frequent traffic back and forth on our coul de sac has failed to attract my attention anymore as it is such a "normal" way of life around here.

The real truth though, is that I am not as attentive as I'd like to be. I feel like lately I've been going through life with tunnel vision, not observing the details that make life so interesting. I wake up, get dressed, make sure everyone is ready on time for where they have to go, work, eat, sleep and start all over. Some of "details" are often hurdles and I find myself simply relieved when I am over them.

One of the most rewarding aspects of motherhood is being able to experience the way our children observe the world around them. They tend to notice all the details, especially the ones you don't want them to.  They notice when we pay more attention to the computer than to them, they notice negative inflections in our voices and when we roll our eyes at yet another mention of what they want for their birthday (even when the birthday isn't for six more months.) But they also notice the Christmas tree in the upstairs window way down the street, and every time the air-filled, attention grabbing thingy at the local car dealership changes (" Look! Now its Uncle Sam! Look! Now its an eagle! Look! Now its a gigantic ape!).

I can lock my doors and trust in God that my house won't get broken into, and yet I couldn't stop it if it happened. But I refuse from this point on to allow my busy life to rob me of the ability to notice the wonderful details that make life memorable. My goal is to notice something positive every day: about my kids, my neighbor (in a general "everyone other than me" kind of way) and the world around me. If we stop to appreciate the good, I believe whole-heartedly that it truly is  "A Wonderful Life".

Blessed Advent to all,

Gina.

The Law of Attraction

"Everything that is coming into your life you are attracting into your life. And it's attracted to you by virtue of the images you're holding in your mind. It's what you're thinking. Whatever is going on in your mind you are attracting to you." - The Secret.

 I watched the movie "The Secret" once and thought I'd put the principles to use when I went to a homeschooling convention in Reno. My oldest was beginning Kindergarten and I planned on teaching him. They were raffling off prizes all afternoon, so I pictured in my mind being a winner. I truly visualized myself winning and, lo and behold, the very first number called was mine. I won a Fun-with-Science book that came with a stretchy, glow-in-the-dark alien. I made a mental note to be more specific in my visualizing next time.

So on the way to my favorite Cub Scout pack show of the year, the one where all the gift baskets each den put together along with an assortment of hams and turkeys are raffled off, I told the kids to really picture themselves winning tonight. Don't just wish for it....visualize it...believe it!  The raffle was for the scouts and the 'tags' (tag-along siblings). If the scout brought a can of food they got an extra ticket. This didn't apply to tags but somehow one of my girls ended up with an extra ticket. So all together we had nine chances to win something. There were a lot of kids but the odds were one of them would win.

Within the first round of drawing numbers Samuel won an entire box of the biggest doughnuts I have ever seen in my life...literally....the biggest. Oh joy. Two numbers later his other number was called and he won a reusable grocery bag loaded with snack food.

Isabelle kept asking me when they were going to call her number, and when they do, can I let her go up there by herself, "because I like to be alone" (more likely, I'd like all the attention on me). I was just about to warn her that there was a possibility that she might not win, but then they called her number.  All by herself, she went up in front of everyone and came back lugging a basket of art supplies half the size of her! I should mention here that she spends 99% of her time at home coloring, cutting, and taping. Needless to say, she was thrilled.

Withing the next twenty minutes Ben won some Sees chocolate bars, and Hunter won a smoked ham that will serve as our Christmas breakfast, lunch, dinner and leftovers. One of Hunter's other number was also called but I was clear across the room from him as he sat with his den members and as frantically as I motioned to him that they just called his number he didn't get what I was trying to say, so it went once...twice....and onto the next number.

What about poor Cece you might ask? Oh they called hers too. She won a hand full of See's lollipops...at least 6 or 7 of them.   I had that one remaining ticket that the girls got by mistake still in my pocket. I was getting a little embarrassed that my kids kept winning so I gave it to my sister Tina who is Samuel's den leader.  Not five minutes went by and that number was called! She received a ham.

I should mention here that because we were running late, we didn't have time to eat dinner before we left for the meeting at six o' clock....hmmm....I wonder what was on the children's minds when they visualized winning!? I will also remind you that I am still not eating sugar.....

Note to self: Insist that our conscience minds, not our craving stomachs, do the visualizing next time!

A Lightbulb Moment

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for". - Joseph Addison

Sitting at the restaurant the other day having lunch with a friend, I came to an important understanding that I am accomplishing what I am supposed to be accomplishing. Ever since I stood in front of the judge during one of my divorce court dates in July of 2010, I have had this nagging feeling that I should be doing more. After having been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for 8 years, I remember my lawyer asking the judge, "So, when does she need to start looking for work?" "Tomorrow." was her heartless reply.

And so, I got a part-time job and enrolled myself at the community college to embark on a new career. Entering the workforce after eight years of devoting every breathing moment to mothering my children was scary. I knew the minds of kids, not adults. The job I got, in-home care giving, suited me well, as it wasn't a far cry from being a SAHM. As God's design would have it, if we live long enough, our lives tend to come full circle and in our old age we are more like children than the adults we once were.

But it wasn't on my "this is what I want to do to for the rest of my life" list. That is the reason I went back to school. The fact that I already had my Associates Degree allowed me to begin studies that directly related to my new degree...Paralegal Studies. At the risk of sounding like a total loser, the reason I chose Paralegal studies was because it didn't require any math....and I love courtroom drama films. I felt like once the judge saw that I was employed and in school, she would cut me some slack.

As it turned out, I never had my day in court to let her see all the hard work I'd been putting in (but that's another post for another day). With all of my personal trips to the courthouse, I developed an aversion to everything "legal" and did not enroll in the next quarter of school. More importantly I realized that my children are only young once and I was fearful that those taking care of them while I worked or went to school were spending more time with them than I was. The reason I chose to be a SAHM when I had my first son was because I wanted to be the one who raised my children, not someone else.

I spent the summer continuing to work part-time and spending the rest of the time with the kids.
But when school time came around again, I knew it was time to do something more. I volunteered to work two days a week helping with the Primary Grades at my children's school. This was important to me because the boys felt I was near even if I wasn't with them, and I could spend my lunch with the girls who were watched by my dad a block away. So, now it is as if I have a full-time job; Monday and Friday at the school, Tue.-Thurs. as a caregiver....and yet, up until the other day, I still felt like I should be doing something more.

My dream is to have a career in photography, own my own business and work my chosen hours. At lunch, I was telling my friend, Aaron, that I didn't feel like I was accomplishing much toward that goal. I saw him and others moving in the direction of their goals and I felt stagnant, unmovable. He said one thing that has now changed the way I see my life. He said, "You are doing what you're supposed to be doing, you're holding it all together...and you're doing it well."

He was right. I am holding it all together, and that is not a minor task. My job right now is to raise five spiritually, physically, and emotionally healthy human beings. There is nothing more daunting than that, and nothing more rewarding. I want to thank my family and friends who help and support me in all I do, and my children for simply loving me. I am blessed. 

Day Off

The kids are at their dads.

My house is quiet.

Nobody is telling me they need something, right now!

I don't have anywhere I have to be.

What do I do?

........

That's right :)

Happily Sugar Free!!

It's day 6 of my "No Sugar" eating plan. Days 1-3 were wrought with fatigue, headache, and severe irritation with everything and everyone who dared cross my path. The night of the third day was characterized by restless sleep and a series of awful nightmares that made me feeling exhausted upon waking up. They say that when you close your eyes and visualize something you really want, if you do it well enough, your brain can't tell if it's real or not. I wonder if the same is true for dreams. If so, I spent the third night getting in a car accident, being helped by a very buff but very creepy man, only to find that as the kids and I arrived at home that same creepy man was setting fire to our house! Then I spent the the rest of the night trying to rescue my children as they ran into the burning house to retrieve their precious toys, and just as I would get one child to safety, I'd realize there were still four in the house!

Needless to say, as tired as I was, I was glad when morning came. That day I continued to have a headache though, and all I wanted to do was put my pajamas on, curl up on the couch and watch a movie.

Alas! Day five I awoke with no headache and I didn't even feel the need to call upon my old friend, the snooze button! I got up and Tina greeted me with, "Good Morning! How do you feel? I feel great!" I did too. For us, day five was the magical day. Our bodies have been detoxified and we felt pretty good.

One big thing I've noticed today (day 6) is when I went out to lunch with a good friend, I didn't even think about perusing the entire menu, I went straight to what I knew I could eat and I thoroughly enjoyed my meal.

The holidays will be the big challenge. I won't say that I won't enjoy a piece of pumpkin pie this year, I will. But it will be a piece, not my slice and all the leftover's that my picky children left on their plates (something, at times, I used to appreciate!).

Happy Saturday to all,

Gina

Wisdom from the Weary

Today is the end of day two of my "Say No to Sugar" lifestyle. This morning I started out a bit on the cranky side. I didn't want to equate it to my lack of sugar, being that it had only been one full day, and I couldn't blame it on the kids because they were all very cooperative getting ready for school this morning, I couldn't even blame it on "that time of the month", but that's T..M..I. So I figured I just needed more sleep.

After my sister picked the boys up for school, I set my alarm and went back to sleep. When my alarm went off (mind you it's 9:30 am by this time) it took all the energy I could muster to pluck myself off the couch and get myself and the girls dressed. I could feel a dull headache coming on but I drank a bunch of water and ignored it. Fast forward to 2:15.....

I took my client to her doctor appointment and parked the van. I ate my salad, with chicken, broccoli, avocado and salsa and it was quite satisfying. I've never been a vegetable person, but in the past two days I've found I LOVE broccoli! I mean, I've flirted with the "little green trees", as the kids call them, for awhile, but now it is true love.

But, still dealing with a headache, I set my alarm, and took a nap in the van. I seriously had a dream of pumpkin pie ice cream! But I woke (right before I was about to take a bite) to the roar of a speeding train rushing in front of me about 30 feet from where I was parked. I could literally feel the van quivering as boxcar after boxcar raced by. In the silence of its passing....I wanted ice cream....badly!!

So I went back to sleep. My sweet slumber only lasted for 12 more minutes before my alarm went off and I had to carry on with my duties. The headache intensified, as did the fatigue.

As I drove from work to pick up the fabulous five, I had a stark revelation. I really was am addicted to sugar! I was told these symptoms of withdrawal only last about 4-7 days. I'll let you know. Tomorrow, the children and I are staying the night with my sister, Tina, who is also cutting out sugar. This should be fun....sorry kids! Muhahahahahhah!!

 

Oh What a Difference Growing up Makes!

All Hallows Eve, 1991

The air was crisp and and leaves were bright. Some leaves had already fallen and blanketed the ground with the crunchy curls of the years' foliage. Excitement and fear were the emotions of the day as we were finally allowed to put on those costumes we've been planning for months. The house, inside and out, front and back, were decorated 'to the nines'. The pumpkins have been carved for almost 2 weeks, the meal we planned last month was on the table, and the bowl of candy wasn't going to make it to the trick-or-treaters if we had any say in it.
The party, well under way, included creepy soundtracks, games, holiday themed food like 'Mummies in a Blanket' and 'Witch Finger Breadsticks'. When it finally got dark enough, we grabbed the biggest bag we could find (usually a pillow case!) and headed outdoors in order to make it to as many houses as we could before we were expected back home. It was usually pretty predictable. There was the 'lady who cries', the sweet old lady who passed out info on Jesus with her bagged candy and begged us to be safe (we always dreaded this place, but went out of guilt, thinking she was just sitting there, alone, waiting for us) and there was 'the King-sized house', no 'fun' sized candy bars here! And there were the ones who gave three or four pieces at a time and then there were the cheap skates....we knew them all.
Upon our return home, we sorted, traded, and ate...and ate....and ate. It was fun times had by all.....or was it?

20 years later.....

The air is crisp, the leaves are bright, some have already fallen. "I'm running late", and "I've so much to do!" were the emotions of the day.  The house was decorated a few days ago after Hunter pleaded and begged me to dig the 'Halloween stuff'' out of the garage. The kids fought over who got to put what, where, so I finally had to regulate who did what...and..."if this is how it's gonna be I'll do it myself next year!".  Oh dear, did I actually say that!? I still didn't know what the kids would wear to the Cub Scout Trunk n Treat the day of the event..."If you want to dress up, you need to put something together out of the dress-up box." And, I didn't even know what two of the boys would be wearing for their All Saints Day costumes the evening before that event!  On top of it all, I had three sick children, one who had been keeping me up for three nights in a row.  Although the kids would be with their father on actual Halloween night, we still attended three parties, and by the third, I was done with the holiday altogether....and done with candy!

Now, after having written the second Halloween account, I feel like this holidays' version of Ebeneezer Scrooge! The truth is, the children and I had a wonderful time at the pumpkin patch, and an even better time carving our pumpkins with our closest friends. I enjoyed seeing the kids in costume and marveled over how it all seemed to come together...even though I procrastinated to the last possible minute.  And when the kids were gone for the night, I enjoyed a quiet evening at home with two of my closest comrades, Emily and Aaron. We watched uber cheesy 'Hocus Pocus', practiced the dance moves to Michael Jackson's Thriller (until I threw my neck out), and then settled down to watch the once-scary-now-super-goofy movie Ghostbusters.

Although maybe not as much as long ago, I still enjoy All Hallows Eve, and I'm even planning my costume for next year....stay tuned.

Side note: If you drove to my house, don't come a trick-or-treat'n....BAH!. (Is it just me, or are trick-or-treaters getting older?)

The Fall and Redemption of the Prideful Pumpkin

A seed was planted in a patch,
In a myriad of rows
Slowly, slowly it takes shape
Many a day it took to grow.

Twisting, tangling its vines spread forth
Bright orange they begin to turn
The air is crisp, the leaves aglow
And the autumn fires burn. 

They separate, they all line up
Ready to showcase their style
"Pick me! Pick me" they seem to say
Right now, they are all on trial 

Judged for shape, for color, for girth
Not a one is like another
They wait so hopeful and hold their breath
As those passing by do hover. 

Alas! One is chosen
Celebration is due!
This squash is then weighed
Its pounds...32!!

It's carefully heaved to the back of a truck
Surrounded by blankets it wont tend to roll,
Eventually it rests on the front of a porch
This fruit, so desired, has becomes prideful. 

"Ha! I am priceless! The others would say,
'He has it all to himself up here on a throne
I wish I were him, I wish I were there
I wish I had a spot all my own'."

"What is this? What is happening?
Ouch! That hurts!
Not my stem, not my top..
NOT MY INNARDS!!" 

"Oh my! How intrusive!
Oh how can this be?!
My beautiful roundness
Is scarred and ugly!" 

This pumpkin felt empty inside
As he sat on that porch all alone,
When people laughed at him
He could think only of home. 


"How cruel I have been
Thinking I was better than they
For certain they are happy
And here I am on display!" 

That pumpkin shined his light
One night, all alone
But come noon the next day
He was brought into the home.

Broken and sad
It began to mope
But what was in store
Gave that squash hope.

Sliced and diced
The fruit was transformed
It smelled of cinnamon and nutmeg
It was soft and warmed.

"I once was so proud..
'I am the best!' thought I,
But I found my true worth
When I tried humble pie."

The World is My Backyard

I live in a house that is just over 800 sq. ft. If you cut that in half accounting for the 50% that is above most of our heads, that means that the six of us have approximately 400 sq footage of actual living space, divide that by six and we each have about 67 square feet each. Yes, we bump into each other as we walk down the hall to the bathroom or the bedrooms, I frequently knock over my 3 year old as she quietly stands behind me, and if I get the chance to sit down on the couch to take in a few minutes of relaxation, I sometimes feel like the walls are closing in around me. I have always had a slight case of claustrophobia....it's no wonder I am intrigued by the great outdoors.

I consider myself fortunate that we have a fenced in yard for the kids to play in. When the boys, especially, get extra rambunctious, I can boot them outside without worry. But even going outside the house, can feel closed in. The fence that provides for safe play also provides a restraint.



Hey...it's my dream.

My children and I were born to run free! To explore the high mountains, to drive the rambling roads, to climb over boulders, and to run until we can run no more (which, lately isn't that far, lol!). I have this deep desire to live on the road for a period of time, long enough to get to know this country in an intimate way. I wish to show my kids that all those places they are learning about in school are not too far out of reach. This will happen. I can't see right now how it will, but I know it will because I believe that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. I am going to start making plans now, and shoot for the trip to begin in 2018 after Samuel turns sixteen. Then he can help with the driving.

2018, that number on the screen looks so futuristic, like the sci-fi movies my dad likes, the ones where the whole earth has been destroyed and now looks more like the past than the present. But seven years will fly by, I know because seven years ago seems like yesterday.

The reason I like to take the kids camping, hiking, climbing, tubing, etc., is because I can let their inner cavemen and cave women run wild. Now these outings can be technical pains in the neck for me; don't forget extra clothes, enough food, sunscreen, water, chairs, blankets, first aid kit, cooking apparatus, toys, towels, toothbrushes.... but it's about letting them run free and letting them be the wild little things that they naturally are. It's also about expanding our boundaries. It's one thing to run around the yard, or up and down the road without mom breathing down your neck, but it's another to climb the heights of Mt. Rainier, hop the waves of the Pacific Ocean, or explore the woods of the national forests.

Someone once said, "The world is my oyster" (I must be slow, because I never really got that saying), but I say, "The world is my backyard".

Can't Live With Them...Can't Live Without Them

Seven Sibs a few years back.

"Ora na azu nwa" - African Proverb

This saying in English means, "It takes a village to raise a child". I never understood that, or appreciated it, until I became a single parent. Try as I might, I simply cannot do it alone. I want to dedicate this post to my family. They are a rare and precious asset in my life.

When I moved back up to Washington with four kids, six and under, in tow, (and one in the oven), I knew at first I'd need a little help. My sister, Emily, spent a couple of weeks with me in Reno, helping me have a garage sale, pack up the house, and drive one of the vehicles the fourteen hour trek north. All this, not to mention being a shoulder to cry on and a HUGE help with the children. When we arrived at 11 o'clock at night, my grandmother's (Nana) doors were unlocked and the lights were on. When I drove the next day to the house we were moving into, my cousin, Jason, was there to help me unpack. When the kids got in my way, my sister, Tina, swept them up and took them to her house also providing a distraction for them as they played with their cousins. She also became the "school bus" driver when my schedule became too hectic between work and college classes.  When I couldn't afford Christmas presents, one of my aunts bought them all bikes. When I had to give up being a stay-at-home mother, my father, Nana, and sister stepped in to watch my children. My mother, in her understanding way, frequently offers me an evening off, even before I ask. My Aunt and Uncle are there when my boys are selling popcorn for Cub Scouts again, and when I had a flat tire today, there they were; gloves, knee pads and screwdriver at the ready to put on the spare. There are others, brothers and sisters-in-law, who have offered a sympathetic ear or words of encouragement, and a seemingly endless line of aunts, uncles, and cousins who have all given of themselves in one form or another.

On the other end of the stick, my life holds more meaning being able to be there for them, as well, when they need a shoulder to cry on, or an extra set of arms to help carry their burdens. What comes to mind when I think of my family is a human body. Each person is like a white blood cell, everyone together is the body. When there is a wound or infection to any one part of the body, everyone rushes to heal the affected member.

The term family extends to some very close friends, as well. I have been extremely blessed with friends who have treated me like family and whom I consider the same.  I am wealthy, I am blessed, I am grateful to be a part of those lives that have touched mine so deeply. Our friends we can choose, it's our family that we are stuck with.

That being said, I'm happy to be "stuck" with mine. As I've said before, we may not have it all together, but together we  have it all.

Just Tina's family and mine :)

A Funeral, Old Friends, and Oktoberfest Fun!

When Sister Maria Mechtilde left St. Mary's parish after over a decade of service to her parishioners, I missed her. I missed her smiling face and her witty humor. I missed her wealth of wisdom and her sympathetic ear. But when she died a week ago, I suddenly felt closer to her. I felt like I could call on her again, not only to give me advice, and help me to be patient, as she was, but to help my children grow in their faith and to look out for the good of their souls when I am not around.

This Friday, my mother, sister and I packed a few things and headed east over the mountains to Spokane, WA for the dear nun's funeral. My darlings happened to be with their dad this weekend so I was footloose and fancy free. I had been looking forward to one thing in particular...sleeping. Sleep has become an elusive desire of mine. I seem to be getting just enough to keep me going physically, but not quite mentally. And so, two-thirds of the way there I slept like a child in the back seat...Snuggie and all.

We reached Spokane around five o' clock and after walking the mall for a bit we grabbed a bite to eat and a specialty drink at Red Lobster. We all had the mind set of "We don't do this very often, let's do it right"....and so, we did.

At 8:30pm, being that it was the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, a Rosary walk was held on the grounds of Mt. St. Michael's. Mount Saint Michael's is a beautiful Tudor-Gothic structure high on a bluff overlooking North Spokane. The building was erected in 1916 by the Jesuits and today it continues to fulfill its mission as an educational and religious center.

That evening, candles in specially made wind guards were passed out to those present. They looked like small lanterns ready to light our way in the pitch blackness. The only other lights were the bright moon and the city lights twinkling far below in the valley. A statue of Our Lady of Fatima was attached to a decorative wooden crate which was carried by four men. The angelic choir of nuns led the procession followed by the congregation with their lanterns. The Rosary prayers were recited by all and were mingled with beautiful hymns to our Lady. The sky was clear and the air was crisp.

After the touching ceremony concluded, the three of us headed back to the hotel. We were drunk with exhaustion and EVERYTHING made us laugh. I don't recall the last time I laughed so hard, and if I tried to explain what was so funny, it simply wouldn't be, so I will keep these memories in the 'I-guess-you-had-to-be-there' file.

The next morning, my mother was up long before the crack of dawn....something I always admired about her, and my sister followed shortly thereafter.  I, as usual, refused to get up any earlier than I had to. We were packed and ready to go by 7:45 am.

The funeral mass was everything one could hope for. A full church, beautiful voices filling the chapel, and a perfect eulogy. After mass, we walked in procession to the cemetery. Tears flowed as the other sisters presented her casket with dozens and dozens of pink roses. At one point, I closed my eyes and let the morning sun warm me, and in an instant, I could see Sr. Maria Mechtilde's smiling face. Later, my mother told me she had the same experience....surely this woman is in heaven.

As is the case in many families and circles of friends, the ripples of our lives have spread so far, that we may only see one another 'at weddings and funerals'.  This was the case for some of my dearest childhood friends. But it was such a blessing to see some of them and catch up on hugs and laughter. This meeting will hold us over now until next time. It is with these friendships that time never elapses, it is still now how it always was. Those relationships are rare and precious.

It was time to return home. Or was it?

Well, it was, but we decided to take the scenic route home. This route allowed us to see the many faces of Washington. We left the pine dotted far eastern side of the state, for the rolling wheat hills, the rugged basaltic canyons and the lush apple orchards, as we headed toward Wenatchee and eventually ended up in Leavenworth. The Bavarian-themed town's greatest event, Oktoberfest, was in full swing.

We arrived to find a crowd of eccentrics dressed in dirndls and lederhosen. Some wore funky hats of everything imaginable, from Egyptian pharaoh hats to fake Bob Marley dreads and everything in between. The streets were brimming with people of all ages, all looking to either sink their teeth into some authentic German food, or to have a drunken good time. We wanted a sampling of both (more food, less drunkenness). In fact, we were on the lookout for the best beer and bratwurst we could find.  After A LOT of walking, a lot of ducking in and out of 'off the beaten path' type stores, and a little fudge sampling, we found some food and beer.

We left satisfied.... a little too satisfied. I really wanted to change into my pajamas by the time we left, and I was looking forward to more sleep. I didn't get either on the way home, but what I got was an understanding of me. By that I mean, I got a better understanding of my mom, and through that, I found where I got some of the passions and tendencies that I possess, that I sometimes thought were illogical, if not illogical, then not very practical. For example, now I know where I got my wanderlust, my tendency to hum mindlessly, and my appreciation for the pretty little details of life.

Above all, I got away from the hustle and bustle of everyday. My mind is clear now and I am ready to listen attentively to the cares of my children. What a difference a day makes. Tomorrow the fabulous five will be home and I can't wait to see them.

Six Confessions of a Single Mother

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I must confess, that since having started this blog, I have become frightened up there...high on the pedestal where people have put me. I have had comments that I am the "best mother", "truly an inspiration," and, "amazing". While these comments flatter me to death, I feel the desire to give a broader picture of my life.

In looking at my pictures, one is bound to ascertain that my kids are always happy, I am always calm, and dinner is always homemade with fresh, organic, whole foods. Today I am moved to reveal the family 'secrets' so that everyone will know us for who we really are. After all, who has time to snap photographs when their voice is raised, dinner is burning, and five kids need you urgently all at once?

Here it goes:

1. Most mornings I press snooze on average of 4 times before I drag myself out of bed. I want so badly to be a morning person. To jump out of bed, workout, have my morning coffee, and shower all before I cheerfully go in to wake up the kids. But....usually I finally resolve to grumbling and telling the alarm on my phone that I hate it and I'm getting up so stop yelling at me.

2. Because I snoozed too many times, I am always running late, and I tend to bark orders at the kids because nobody moves in the mornings... unless I tell them to (with the exception of Samuel and Cecelia, our household's "morning people"). Also, because we are running late, the kids get cold cereal for breakfast almost every morning. Ironically, when I've run out of milk or cereal and have to make eggs with bacon and toast, or hot oatmeal, I get a round of whines because they want Honey Nut Cheerios!


3. Although, as others have pointed out, I am pretty patient with the kids, but every mother has a breaking point. My kids push me to that point at least every other day. The usual straw that breaks this mama's back is one of my kids tormenting another and the 'other' whining about being tortured. This usually has a domino effect on all members of the family. A wise counselor once told me, "You have a small house full of six unique individuals, each one dealing with his or her own positive or negative feelings, emotions, ills, ups and downs. Each has his/her own preference for food, music, entertainments, clothing, activities and needs for rest. If you think about it, in order for everyone to be in sync all at once, all these different aspects of each individual has to coincide with every other person all at once. That is harmony. Treasure those moments, they are nothing short of miraculous." It's true. When my kids are all getting along and I'm not stressing about anything in particular, I tend to step back, take it all in, and thank God for that one moment.  Heaven knows, they are few and fleeting.

4. I don't like to get down on the floor and play. Okay, I'll be honest, I don't like to play at all! Whew, that was a big one for me. By playing, I refer to the use of toys. Somewhere between childhood and motherhood, I lost the desire to play with dolls, stuffed animals, Legos and all the things that I now consider "just something else to pick up".  Now, I know, adults don't play with toys anyway so why should I be ashamed? Because I simply can't bring myself to play with my kids when they ask me to play with their toys. Now, I would play catch with a baseball, or take them hiking, or dance in the living room, or run through a sprinkler, but I cannot pretend the plastic doll with pen stains on her head is my baby and I don't want to try to build something with blocks that inevitably keep falling apart in the final stages of completion.

5. I hate bedtime. Shouldn't bedtime be that cozy time of the day where I spend quality bonding time with my children, reading stories and sharing laughs? These kind of bedtimes are rare around here. (Although, I have to admit I had one today!!!) Usually I am so beat from the events of the day that by the time I tuck them in, bless them, kiss and hug each one....I don't want to hear their voices again until morning! Instead, I am usually gritting my teeth for the next half hour as I have to answer the on-going chorus of  "Mom!"s.

• Mom! I'm thirstyyyyyyyyyy.
• Mom! Can I turn the light oooooooonnnnnnnnnn.?
• Mom! Isabelle won't stop singiiiiiiiiiing.
• Mom! When can Dominic stay the niiiiiiight?
• Mom! What if a fly married a spider and lived in our closet...and had spider babies that could fly and make webs?.... (huh?)
• Mom! Do we have Cub Scouts tomorrooooooow?
• Mom! Can you scratch my baaaaaaaaaack?
• Mom! What are you doiiiiiiiing?
• Mom! um.....um......um......I love you.
• "I love you, mom."
• "I love you, mom."
• "I love you, mom."
• "I love you, mom."

"I LOVE YOU TOO, NOW GO TO SLEEP!" These are usually my finally words of the day.

6. I stay up way too late.  Now that I have some peace and quiet, I don't want to give it up.... even for a good night's sleep! I usually edit my photographs, check in with Facebook friends, read, or watch The Biggest Loser.....yes, I'm a fan. It's not that I dread another day, because each day teaches me something new, each day allows me to experience my children in a slightly different way, each day is another opportunity to grow closer to God and closer to the kids, but what I do dread is the 6 o'clock alarm, screaming my name, bewailing me for staying up too late!!! Okay, I think...how many times can I afford to press snooze today? And WHY, for heaven's sake, do I have to get up before daylight?! That should be illegal.